spring break, need i say more..............Make it end.

blah

Well, thank God it is Monday!!!!!!! everyone is where they are to be. I get my house all to myself. and all is good with the world.

Yesterday I drove 3 hours one way to take my son to a heart doctor. I did this because the echo he had here in my small little town showed he had a hole in his heart. 3 people in the room when he had his first echo said he had a hole. 3 people who should know what they are doing.He doesn't have a hole in his heart. He is fine. DUMBASSES.

It is monday

Thank God the weekend is over. Weekends mean that everyone is here with me all day. Don't get me wrong I love them but I never get anything done when they are here. i clean they mess up. I cook they refuse to eat. THank god for the next 8 hours they are the schools problem. The husband refuses to go do anything unless i come to. It is like he is afraid i'll run away while he is gone. GROW UP.

Feb 27

I take my son to the heart doctor on march 5. I have to drive about 3 hours away but he is worth it. My sister is now been moved from jail to Rehab. She has been there for about 4 days now. I have already gotten a letter from her wanted me to bring stuff. I did that last week. I am trying to recover from my own codependent issues. I am having a hard time with it. She is my only sister, we don't have parents, she has no one but me. I in turn feel responsable. she knows that and used to her advantage. I know that is what she is doing, using me. But i can't seem to break the cycle.

life gets even better

Life gets even better. Yesterday I took my son to the doctor.He has been passing out at school. He had an ECHO guess what he has a hole in his heart. Great!!!!!!Let me fill you all in on this, I have 2 girls a 13 year old and an 10 year old. The 13 year old has already had open heart surgery. She was 22 months old at the time. The hole was the size of a half dollar. My 10 year old has two holes in her heart. they are small only as big around as your finger, my son has one too. his is very small. It is about as big around as a match stick. I knew it ran in our family but i thought that is was only in the girls. I am upset because i don't know yet how this will affect football. My son is amazing on the football field. One day you all will know his name. He is that good. I son't think that the hole is the reason he has been passing out. I think that is his blood sugar dropping. I guess when we get to the card. he will tell us more. I know that my 10 year old will have to have her's fixed. so i assume he will too.

I am sad

I can not tell you how sad it is to be dealing with addicts. people that you love and care about. the lies kill you slowly each and every time. just when you think it will be ok something happens and it is not. you suffer in ways that are scary. At least the addict has the drugs to kill the pain. I am dealing with it all sober. nothing numbs it. For some reason Guilt plays a big role in it. I feel guilty if i hurt her, if i say anything to cause pain and give her a reason to use.I have to go along and clean up the messes she makes. I assumed that when she left for rehab that all would be better, it is not. she calls me collect to clean up the mess. Pawn jewerly, broken promises, lies, then end never never comes. I am tired of it. I can not take anymore. Stop and leave me alone. I have my own problems. And my own issues. She is killing me just like she killed my momma.