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i see dead people.......really

Monday, February 16, 2009

I am sad

I can not tell you how sad it is to be dealing with addicts. people that you love and care about. the lies kill you slowly each and every time. just when you think it will be ok something happens and it is not. you suffer in ways that are scary. At least the addict has the drugs to kill the pain. I am dealing with it all sober. nothing numbs it. For some reason Guilt plays a big role in it. I feel guilty if i hurt her, if i say anything to cause pain and give her a reason to use.I have to go along and clean up the messes she makes. I assumed that when she left for rehab that all would be better, it is not. she calls me collect to clean up the mess. Pawn jewerly, broken promises, lies, then end never never comes. I am tired of it. I can not take anymore. Stop and leave me alone. I have my own problems. And my own issues. She is killing me just like she killed my momma.

2 comments:

Deborah said...

You sound like you are in such pain. I feel for you. There are support groups to help deal with loved ones who are addicted. Al-anon or nar-anon are both good groups to learn to take care of yourself. Good luck and God bless.

littlegirllost said...

thank you, as a matter of fact i have recently figured out that i am codependent and i am getting help.